Couples Therapists in Highlands Ranch Advise: Boundaries Need to Start With You

Personal Boundaries

Do other people stomp all over your boundaries? Couples therapists in Highlands Ranch help lots of couples and individuals in their relationships, and the issue of “setting boundaries” comes up frequently. Are you setting boundaries effectively? Here’s a hint: they need to start on your side. Keep reading to see how to set—and maintain—the best boundaries.

Psychologists in Highlands Ranch Advise: Boundaries Go Both Ways

When you close your curtains, you are setting a boundary. The neighbors can no longer peek in, and the sunlight no longer makes that annoying glare on the TV screen. But there is another boundary as well—you can no longer peek out, and you might miss the beautiful sunset if you don’t pay attention. Relationship boundaries work the same way, and also involve some give and take. Many people find that they “can’t keep boundaries” because they don’t like those downsides! When considering your personal boundaries, don’t forget to think about the drawbacks. For example, if you set a boundary that you just want to be left alone and never interrupted in the shower, you may miss spontaneous, romantic advances that you used to enjoy.

Couple’s Counselors in Highlands Ranch Help You Identify Your Need for Boundaries

Do you ever feel taken advantage of, walked all over, unheard, or just so annoyed at everyone around you for reasons you can’t quite understand? Often, these are signs that you are not setting or enforcing boundaries correctly. For example, if you find yourself frustrated that your partner is constantly unloading work stress on you, but never seems to listen to your work rants, you may need to set a boundary around this interaction—something as simple as realizing “I need as much time to vent about my job as you do.” You need to have self-awareness to set boundaries so you know what’s really bothering you and how to make it stop.

Clear Communication Predicts Effective Boundaries

Once you’ve worked with a therapist in Highlands Ranch to identify the boundaries you’d like to set, it’s time to bring them to life and share them with your partner. How you communicate these needs is just as important as setting them! Ideally, you communicate your boundaries in advance, when everyone is calm and in a good mood. Shouting “get out of my bathroom now!” or “stop talking about your miserable job right now!” isn’t going to get you very far—in fact, that will likely cause more conflict. Instead, find a calm, quiet place, and use the classic “I feel” statements to help your partner understand your needs.

Finally, keep in mind that boundaries can change from person to person, from situation to situation, and as you and your partner age, mature, and change. If you need help identifying, maintaining, or communicating boundaries in your relationship, call a couple’s counselor in Highlands Ranch for help!