First Steps For Parents Going Through A Divorce in Highland Ranch
Help for Parents going through a divorce
The only thing harder than navigating a divorce is navigating a divorce while parenting children. Psychologists in Highlands Ranch work with divorcing parents and children whose parents are divorcing to help everyone in the family express feelings and move forward together in a healthy way. This can include a mix of family therapy, couple’s therapy, or individual play or talk therapy for kids. What are the first steps for parents who are preparing for a divorce, and when should you call in the help of a psychologist? Keep reading to find out.
Step 1. Check your feelings.
Assuming both parents are safe with one another (no abuse or threats of such), the first step parents should take is to check their feelings. Is it a relief to finally tell your partner “this isn’t working?” Are you devastated and blindsided? Did you see it coming, and both you and your partner actually feel eager to see what life is like on the other side? Are you angry or hurt? Figure out your feelings, and take the next steps based on that. Approaching a delicate situation before you are ready could lead to worse outcomes. Don’t hesitate to contact a couple’s psychologist during this process!
Step 2. Make your plans.
Once both partners feel relatively settled, the next step is for the adults to do the planning. Will one parent move out, or does everyone move? Who gets the house? What is the plan for custody/parenting time—i.e. where will the kids sleep and who will take them to school? Who gets the pets? How will the absent parent stay in contact during the active parent’s parenting time? Aside from all the adult stuff you have to handle, take a moment to consider the situation from your child’s point of view, and try to have the answers ready for the questions they may ask.
Step 3. Tell your child or children about the divorce honestly and clearly.
Find a calm, quiet time for both parents and child to sit down and have a serious talk. This is best to do when your child is in “top condition”—i.e. well-fed, well-rested, not rushed, and when they don’t have anything else to do for the rest of the day. Mid-day on a weekend is a good time. Present as a united front and tell your child in a fact-based, calm tone what will be happening (remember, you planned this in Step 2). Prepare for tough questions and big feelings!
Step 4: Let the storm pass.
Hopefully, your family is fortunate enough to be able to take a breather during all of this. While the adults are packing, talking with divorce specialists, or searching out new living arrangements, your children are doing hard work as well—processing very big and important emotions. Stick with your child through this, including big conversations, little questions, and differing moods. Kids at different ages may be sad, angry, guilty, relieved, or even happy—and may feel a mix of these things. Talking about these feelings with your child, or with a trusted child psychologist or parenting specialist in Highlands Ranch, can help you get through them sooner. Expect things like more “clingy” behaviors, moodiness, or defiance, and remember, your child is working hard to process all of this.
Step 5: Establish (or re-establish) Family Rules and Expectations
As households separate, it continues to be very important for both parents to remember that they still have a commitment: as co-parents! Co-parents and their children have the most success when they are all on the same page, with consistent rules, expectations, boundaries, and consequences. Working on these together as a family can reinforce this important idea and remind everyone that, while the adults are no longer “in love” or married, they both remain parenting parents and a part of each other’s extended family. The more cooperation parents have, the better their kids do!
These at-home tips are a great start, but many families need more help! Call an experienced child psychologist or parenting specialist in Highlands Ranch to plan a successful divorce today.
