When parents call a psychologist in Highlands Ranch, they often have tons of questions about how to help their child be the best they can be and how they can be the best parents possible. For the clients we work with, that can translate to hours of support, connection, and guidance as we work together to help your child succeed, and you to parent the best way possible. But if we had just a few minutes to share our most valuable tip, you will likely hear something along the lines of “Stay Calm!” Keep reading to see why a parent’s ability to keep their cool is so important for effective parenting.
Parenting Experts in CO Discuss Emotional Co-Regulation
Very few parents seek help from a child psychologist when their child is an infant. We expect that babies will cry, that they cannot do anything for themselves, and lots of people usually show up to support new moms and dads. When your child cried and screamed as a baby, you found a way to get through it, keeping your cool while you spoke gently to the baby, changed diapers, fed bottles, stroked the few little hairs on her head, or rubbed his back until he calmed. The calmer and quieter the parent, the easier Baby was to calm. This continues to be true for toddlers, school-aged kids, and teens, but most people forget how much help bigger kids need with regulating emotions. If you’ve found yourself ready to cry after engaging with your preschooler, engaging in a screaming and stomping match with your 4th grader, or sarcastic with your teen, you may be able to look back and realize that their behaviors got worse when you lost your cool. Just like that little baby looked to you to provide safety, security, guidance, and emotional regulation, your child continues to look to you for guidance and help as they grow and develop. You are their “safe space.” Modeling calming and self-care behaviors, such as taking deep breaths, walking away from stressful situations, setting clear boundaries and expectations, and finding ways to solve problems is going to help RIGHT NOW during the conflict, and can teach your child lifelong skills.
Parenting and Staying Calm with Older Kids: Psychologists Discuss Biology
Okay, fine, you helped your 5-year-old calm down after freaking out about a broken crayon. But isn’t your 12-year-old a little too old to throw a tantrum when you said “no ice cream?” Not necessarily—in fact, the best research shows that most people’s brains are not fully developed until around age 25/26! One of the last parts to develop is the ability to make decisions, plan ahead, and regulate emotion in context of stress. For kids at or around puberty age, it can seem like basic self-care and emotional skills regress—this is often accurate, and part of the biological process of growing up. Your tween or teen’s brain is doing major reconstruction, and with that comes increased emotional reactivity. Further, the skills and tools they used to deal with “little kid” problems aren’t always suitable for “big kid problems.” You were right there to help them deal with that broken crayon, how can you be there when they tell you that their friends are being mean, they are struggling with pre-algebra, and they feel “fat” compared to their pre-pubescent BFF, but still want that ice cream? When you stay calm in the face of your child’s panic attack or angry outburst, and help them define and solve their problems, you are setting them up for a lifelong of being a “grown-up” and handling anxiety appropriately in the future .
Highlands Ranch Psychologists Share Parenting Tools to Stay Calm
Your psychologist in Highlands Ranch knows you want to stay calm and present your best self for your child. What can help you do it?
By keeping your cool, you model to your child how to get it done. If you need help, consider working with a psychologist in Highlands Ranch for parenting tools or individual therapy. If everyone in your household “blows their lid” on occasion, family therapy can be a collaborative way for everyone to reduce stress and stay calmer together. Contact Dr. Lazarus today to find evidence-based services to support you and your child today!
