These Tools Can Help You Solve Conflicts in Your Relationship

Are you having conflict in your marriage? Do you and your partner end every day at each other’s throats, only to cry together before giving up and going to bed? Do you put in extra hours at work, take the pandemic puppy for longer walks, or take a “nap” just to avoid conflict with your spouse? If so, couples therapists in Littleton have some news for you: you are not alone! Research shows that most couples experience conflict in their relationship on a regular basis, and this conflict is worsened by transitioning to new parenthood, new jobs, moving to new homes, and major social changes—like the COVID-19 pandemic! Conflict itself isn’t a bad thing, but how you handle it can shape your relationship. Check out these great tools to help resolve relationship conflict!

Active Listening

You yell, you argue… but does either one of you listen? Active listening can be a challenge, especially when you know you’re right! However, this process involves both physical and mental activity, meaning you need to show your partner good eye contact, appropriate body language, and attention to detail. An active listener always waits until her or his partner has stopped speaking before talking, and should be able to summarize the other person’s words before moving onto the next point. Check out these four tips for active listening!

Time Out!

It’s not just for kids, the relationship time-out is a tried-and-true method that couples therapists in Highlands Ranch use all the time. When you have a “time-out” during your relationship conflict, you aren’t just going to your room to calm down (although, that might be a part of it!), you are recognizing that you are not in a place to communicate your true feelings. Couples therapists recommend that you and your partner discuss this process in advance, and when strong feelings come up, either party can call for a time-out. Always plan a “return time” and don’t let it go too long—the goal is to allow both parties to collect themselves and think more clearly without avoiding the conflict entirely.

Put it in Writing

While it may seem silly to write a note to someone you share a home and a bed with, the written word is powerful. When you write out your thoughts, you have plenty of time to think, and the opportunity to cross out, erase, or start over! If you find yourself blurting out impulsive statements, offensive things, or just feel like your partner isn’t listening, a written message can go a long way. If you come in for relationship counseling in Littleton, your couples therapist may have you both write your ideas before sharing them.

These are just a few of the many tools that you can use to build your relationship stronger! If you’ve tried these and more without success, you may need the assistance of a couples therapist. In Littleton, expert couples therapists work with couples at all stages of their relationship using tools from family therapy, cognitive behavior therapy, and animal assisted therapy to help you see eye to eye. Call Dr. Steve Lazarus today to start repairing your relationship!