Across the Denver Metro and Highlands Ranch, child psychologists are seeing an increase in anxiety disorders, especially in children and teens. Kids are feeling “unsafe” in a variety of ways at home and at school, and this can lead to major problems. What’s making the youth so uneasy, and how can you help?

Why Would A Kid Feel Unsafe in Highlands Ranch?

Safety means being protected from suffering. It can mean physical safety, like taking shelter during a tornado, or emotional safety, like sharing your deepest secrets with a trusted confidant. Many people immediately think of big safety risks like fires, floods, or crime when they think of feeling “unsafe,” but for your child, threats of suffering can come from everywhere. Bullies on the school bus make your child feel unsafe. Gun violence across the nation, but especially here in Colorado, makes kids feel unsafe. Parents who use harsh criticism or shame to control behaviors can make kids feel unsafe. Teens who are thinking of harming themselves cause themselves to feel unsafe. Whether a child feels unsafe due to past trauma (PTSD), unsafe even in safe situations (anxiety), or unsafe due to their world feeling turned upside down (Adjustment Disorder or pure lack of coping tools), it’s the adults’ job to help them feel safe again. The first step is understanding why your child is feeling unsafe—start with a conversation, letter writing, drawing, or working with a therapist to understand triggers for feeling unsafe.

How to Be A Safe Adult for a Child You Care For

What’s more risky? A hand saw, or an electric chainsaw? A bicycle, or a sports car? A lit firework, or a lit match? The more powerful thing is almost always the riskier one—with greater power, comes greater risk of danger. For kids, adults have all the power! This automatically positions adults as a potential risk. Adults who yell, scream, throw things, or hit, as well as adults who name-call, shame, or belittle others, seem like scary monsters. As the powerful adult (who wins via size, authority, and resources), you need to be extra in-control of your emotions. Literally, be the bigger person in all ways so your child sees a role model of how a “giant, all-powerful adult” can choose to defer, deflect, or walk away. Modeling calm, predictable, “adult” behaviors teaches your child how to do it—just like you taught him how to tie his shoes. Help your child process his emotions by talking about your own, and if his voices isn’t being heard, use yours to amplify it. Model coping behaviors like deep breaths, going for walks, or even connecting with a therapist. If your child struggles with feeling unsafe and just can’t describe it, play therapy or animal-assisted therapy can get to the root of issues. Having a skilled therapy dog in the room can help a child feel safe enough to make progress toward overcoming fears.

Family Therapists in Highlands Ranch Prioritize Structure and Routine

One of the best ways to help a child, or anyone else, feel safe and secure is through predictable, calm routines. Consider:

• A structured morning routine that gets all the hygiene tasks done without yelling
• A set place to keep backpacks and phones so there is no “panic” about finding them
• “Taco Tuesdays,” “Pizza Fridays,” or whatever your kids’ favorite meal is that they can look forward to weekly
• Bedtime stories—every night, even if the day has been a hot disaster
• Expectations for family time (that apply to everyone)
• Visual schedules and color-coded clocks (especially for pre-readers)
• Regular exercise!
• Clear sleeping locations and bedtimes
• Dedicated place to “work” or complete homework
• Clear and consistent rules and consequences

Manage the Environment to Reduce Anxiety and Fearfulness

There’s one major difference between your childhood and the childhood of kids today: screens are everywhere and your child is looking at them. Screens (and all the content on them) can increase anxiety—so it’s your job to help your child build a healthier relationship with them! Adhering to reasonable screentime limits is a good start, but what’s most important is that you help your child build the knowledge base to interact appropriately with the screens in their hand and the media in their minds. Talk to your child about how big, fat-cat companies make tons of money off of each “click” or “ad,” and how they use scary emotions like fear, anger, shame, or disgust to make themselves even richer. Ask them to explain “the algorithm” and why different phones get different answers. Encourage “reality checks” by asking your child if she thinks real people can look like AI-modified celebrities. Ask your teen what her friends were doing for the *other* 23 hours and 50 minutes of the day when they weren’t posting that video. Nothing is as scary when we approach it together, so navigate the digital world with your child.

Every child has periods of increased fearfulness or worry—managing those feelings is a part of growing up strong and capable. But if your child is constantly feeling unsafe, or if anxiety or worry are interfering with regular activities, don’t hesitate to reach out to a child psychologist in Highlands Ranch for a custom-tailored plan to rebuild confidence.